Sunday, October 18, 2009

31 for 21: Walk by Faith

Two years ago today I was pregnant with Quinn. This is the anniversary of the day that I had a breakdown when I failed a biophysical profile and had to do a non-stress test and had to cancel my lunch plans – a lunch I was looking forward to as I was working nonstop supporting my family at the time. Strange to remember such a day, I know. But it was a big moment for me. I started crying in front of the nurse. She said, “Oh your baby will be ok.” I told her I KNOW Quinn will be fine, I, myself, was the one I was worried about.

I have to get back to what I told the nurse that day. Quinn will be fine. I just don't know about myself with all of this, but I have to have faith that I will get through it all.

Actually I am surprised that two years later some things have changed, but some things haven't. I see my beautiful girl now - I hold her in my arms and know she is the best thing I have in my life. But I am still working nonstop. I am still stressed (probably would fail a non-stress test today). And I get the joy of seeing a doctor today (my toe is swelled up). Once again I am anticipating something big related to Quinn. All two years later.

This has been the longest five days of my life. Seeing the head bobs. Knowing what they are. Recognizing that they are more frequent. Thinking how can something that looks so minor be so major.

But I have to walk by faith.

I found the second clip the other day. Jeremy Camp talks about faith (how fitting) and what having a brother with DS means for him (how doubly fitting). Then I began exploring the music of Jeremy Camp and I found the song, Walk by Faith (the first clip). I thought that it so fits our journey now. This will start tomorrow and I need to walk by faith. First in order to do this I need to get my toe fixed, but either way I will do what I have to do for my baby girl Quinn. I love you girl more than you will ever ever know. You are worth anything I have to go through to have you in my life.


No comments:

Post a Comment