My story continues...if you haven't read part 1 and part 2, click to get connected to those entries.
Part 3:
The next photo in the scrapbook comes from my awkward middle school days. In this photo we see me as a young girl feeling unsure about my appearance. I look around the crowd and see other students, some appear more self-assured and look so beautiful; I envy those students. I also see other students just like me in the struggle they are encountering in trying to feel comfortable with themselves and their bodies at this difficult time. I feel a special bond with these students. Since I am all about my peers and what they are doing at this time in my life, I start noticing a group of students in school that I really don’t remember registering in my memory before – these are the students who are in special education, more specifically students who have cognitive disabilities. I notice them hanging out together with no one from regular education talking to them. Although I see them in the lunch room sitting across the way, there seems to be a huge canyon separating us that no one tries to pass, unfortunately including me. Because appearance and my reduced self-esteem are at the forefront of my mind, I notice these students’ clothes, their hair, the glasses, and the way they look. The stereotype becomes sealed in my mind. This is another thing that I regret – I had that horrible stereotype myself; it won’t be until almost another 25 years that I let some of it go. And unfortunately, I still struggle with it to some extent. It is from this memory that I become obsessed with the idea that Quinn will have style. I know in the big scheme of things this may seem trivial, but this is built upon difficult feelings from my middle school years – the time I felt most unsure of myself. I also hope and pray that Quinn will have a totally different experience in middle school. I hope that the canyon no longer exists. Special education and regular education students will interact and enjoy each other’s company. Doesn’t almost everyone want their child to have a different experience than they did in middle school? I certainly do, and I will do everything I can to counter those stereotypes so Quinn has the best chance she can during those awkward years.
The next photo in the scrapbook comes from my awkward middle school days. In this photo we see me as a young girl feeling unsure about my appearance. I look around the crowd and see other students, some appear more self-assured and look so beautiful; I envy those students. I also see other students just like me in the struggle they are encountering in trying to feel comfortable with themselves and their bodies at this difficult time. I feel a special bond with these students. Since I am all about my peers and what they are doing at this time in my life, I start noticing a group of students in school that I really don’t remember registering in my memory before – these are the students who are in special education, more specifically students who have cognitive disabilities. I notice them hanging out together with no one from regular education talking to them. Although I see them in the lunch room sitting across the way, there seems to be a huge canyon separating us that no one tries to pass, unfortunately including me. Because appearance and my reduced self-esteem are at the forefront of my mind, I notice these students’ clothes, their hair, the glasses, and the way they look. The stereotype becomes sealed in my mind. This is another thing that I regret – I had that horrible stereotype myself; it won’t be until almost another 25 years that I let some of it go. And unfortunately, I still struggle with it to some extent. It is from this memory that I become obsessed with the idea that Quinn will have style. I know in the big scheme of things this may seem trivial, but this is built upon difficult feelings from my middle school years – the time I felt most unsure of myself. I also hope and pray that Quinn will have a totally different experience in middle school. I hope that the canyon no longer exists. Special education and regular education students will interact and enjoy each other’s company. Doesn’t almost everyone want their child to have a different experience than they did in middle school? I certainly do, and I will do everything I can to counter those stereotypes so Quinn has the best chance she can during those awkward years.
-Karyn
I love that Quinn will have style, and it doesn't seem trivial to me, at all! I may have mentioned before one of my first sad thoughts after Lucy was diagnosed. I was lying in the hospital bed, thinking back to her shower, and picturing all the beautiful baby girl clothes at home in her closet. I cried because she would never wear them. I look back now and laugh, because, seriously, wtf was I thinking? But it was that same stereotype that I feared. I am so glad that all these months later, I too, can proudly say, that Lucy has style!
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