Sunday, May 24, 2009

Just the Way You Are

Unconditional love means loving someone no matter what may be his/her actions and beliefs. It is something that is talked about in psychology, literature, movies, and music. We can love the person no matter what, but not always his/her actions. The theoretical approach person-centered therapy in psychology is built upon this idea. It purports that every person needs unconditional positive regard to develop. This allows the individual to develop to his/her potential. If love is conditional, problems ensue. It is through the therapist’s unconditional positive regard for his/her client that the client may be able to work through some past difficulties. I think unconditional love isn’t just about love someone despite his/her choices – it is also about fully loving who he/she is even when a disability is present. Our love should not be conditional on certain things – for instance, that our child is free of a disability. It is not like I should be able to toss my child aside because she doesn’t live up to the image set in my mind. It is easy to go around talking about the concept of unconditional love when you haven’t been tested. It is when you are tested that you truly know what you are talking about. With my boys I felt I understood this concept, but it wasn’t until Quinn that I TRULY felt it. Yes, I have been tested. Some days I perform better on this than others. Today is an A+ day!
This weekend I have been thinking a lot about this, and for some reason, Billy Joel’s song Just the Way You Are stands out in my mind. Here are some of the lyrics that illustrate this concept of unconditional love:

Don't go changing, to try and please me,
You never let me down before,
Don't imagine, you're too familiar,
And I don't see you anymore.

I would not leave you, in times of trouble,
We never could have come this far,
I took the good times, I'll take the bad times,
I'll take you just the way you are.

Don't go trying, some new fashion,
Don't change the colour of your hair,
You always have my, unspoken passion,
Although I might not seem to care.

I don't want clever, conversation,
I never want to work that hard,
I just want someone, that I can talk to,
I want you just the way you are.

I need to know that you will always be
The same old someone that I knew,
What will it take till you believe in me,
The way that I believe in you?

I said I love you, and that's forever,
And this I promise from the heart,
I couldn't love you, any better,
I love you just the way you are.

I don't want clever, conversation,
I never want to work that hard,
I just want someone, that I can talk to,
I want you just the way you are.

Quinn, my baby girl – I love you for who you are. Let’s share this song together, you and I.

1 comment:

  1. Hi Karyn
    I have just enjoyed reading your blog, and listening to the music (very suitable in deed).
    I have been researching DS for a family member and have come across some beautiful stories, plus helpful information to pass on to the family.
    Reading actual stories from families with a DS member is definitely more helpful than the medical sites I feel, due to actual happenings in a family situation.
    Miss Quinny is a real cutie, isn't she? Just adorable.
    I have enjoyed Daniel Drinkers videos as well. He is a great guy and has me laughing and crying. If you want to visit, his website is:
    Another amazing site I visited (and now a member of) is
    This is a truly amazing story and I feel gives hope for parents with DS children. Certainly raised the hopes for my family member.
    Hug to you and "Miss Quinny", and keep up the good work.