Seven

I told myself I wasn't going to get upset about these things. But I am upset, but then I am not. I am just in a whirlwind of contradictions, more like a tornado if you will. I am well aware that I am a hypocrite tonight, and I don't like it. But then I have to be a hypocrite - I feel that is where I need to be right in this moment.

Quinn was tested today. Neal told me that the results indicated that she appears to be functioning cognitively at the seven-month level. Seven? Really? Seven? Out of a possible 20, almost 21, months of life? Wow.

I KNOW that early childhood assessments have the lowest reliability. I KNOW that these measures should never be used to predict IQ scores. I KNOW such measures should really only be used for screening purposes and to justify services. I KNOW that age-equivalent scores are very poor scores to give. Standard-scores are much better, but I KNOW that many of these early childhood measures are based on age-equivalents. I KNOW I KNOW I KNOW. Heck I teach the course on this subject. I also KNOW I said I wasn't going to let things like this get to me. But that was before I was introduced to the number seven in this context.

But then I say to myself, well at least it is seven. Seven is something. Seven is seven.

See the contradictions? Plus seven is only the rough estimate - some skills are 13 months and some skills are less. Seven is not etched in stone.

So maybe I should honor and not fight seven. Seven may not be the real number right now, but for me it signifies that this is not the first time I will be in this position. It is only the first time I will be hearing the results instead of giving the results. I might as well start getting used to this side of the table when it comes to feedback about your child's evaluation results.

So to honor the number seven, and all that I will learn about myself and others on this journey, I will share seven things I love about Quinn:

1. I love her toothy grin. She has one tooth that we call a snaggle tooth and it is the cutest thing EVER. There isn't anything like Quinn's smile.

2. I love that she is obsessed with the sign more. Obsessed. The boys knew the sign, but nobody does it as much as Quinn.

3. I love Quinn's blue eyes. I never thought I would have a beautiful girl with blue eyes. I have brown eyes.

4. I love Quinn's hair. It is long and wavy. So beautiful. She has the best hair in our whole entire family. She hates having it combed though. She fights and screams. Better get used to it girl because your hair WILL be long!

5. I love Quinn's laugh. It is the cutest little thing. The thing is though that she doesn't laugh for long, so you are always left with wanting more. Maybe that is the best part because Quinn hooks you in that way.

6. I love Quinn's wisdom. When I hold her and I worry about things, it is like she knows. She grabs my face and sometimes pulls me in and kisses me, looks into my eyes, or bites (whatever strikes her), but I always feel she is telling me something.

7. And most of all, I just LOVE QUINN. The total package. Even if it involves the number seven right now. Seven doesn't quite cut what Quinn means to me. It is infinite.

-Karyn