Advanced Maternal Age

Advanced Maternal Age. Now that is a set of words that makes you feel like jumping for joy (sarcasm). The societal assumption of youth just seeps through. After Quinn’s birth, I received some paperwork from the perinatologist. I wanted the karotype and ended up getting some additional papers. In these papers I was “diagnosed” with Advanced Maternal Age. I was 35 years-old. I started to wonder that if little "young" me is advanced, what did they say a few years back about that pregnant woman in her 60s? Bet they said the same thing – it has to be the official term. 35 or 60 doesn't matter, you are still considered advanced. I am used to that kind of stuff in my profession, but Quinn has taught me to see the person not just the diagnosis. I guess I might have this all wrong – I should be thinking about how “advanced” could be a compliment; at least I am not some naive youngster. I love the age I am now.

The reason why I bring this up is that I had a visitor (World of Science) on my site here and the comment suggested I post the guidelines for eligibility of pregnant women for a prenatal diagnosis. I went and explored their site and if you are interested in this topic would suggest you go here. But it was the first point “Advanced Maternal Age” that stood out to me, taking me back to what I saw on my paperwork. Getting me thinking...

Advanced Maternal Age is why I received additional testing and eventually the diagnosis. This is usually seen as age 35, but could be as low at 31. Nice huh? Whether you are advanced depends upon where you go and how they define it. Wouldn’t that be like if someone has a certain IQ, one group may see them as having a cognitive disability and another group would see them as below average? Nothing has changed about that person, just others' perception. I was Advanced Maternal Age because of who I am – nothing I could change about that, but when I had the ultrasound I guess that is what then made them realize that there was a risk for a “chromosomally abnormal fetus” – aka Quinn. I am biased, but I don’t see her as being abnormal. She is absolutely beautiful. It is all a matter of perspective. I am not some Advanced Maternal Age mom with a chromosomally abnormal child – I am a wise mother who is blessed with a beautiful beautiful little girl who has made my life infinitely better.

-Karyn

Abled

Up, Down, Up, Down, Up, Down (laying down to sitting that is)

This is what Quinn was doing a lot today!!! She would go down to lay down on the floor from the sitting position, roll or pull herself to what she wanted, and then sit back up. Then she would do it over and over again. She is getting stronger....

Neal said the PT predicted this skill would come soon. I told him to ask if she had any more predictions - she is one talented physical therapist because I certainly didn't see this coming.

-Karyn

The SHOW

Riley and Aidan's FAVORITE show is Phineas & Ferb. Do you know it? It is actually quite entertaining!








-Karyn

Models of Disability

Olkin (1999) talked about three models of disability, each impacting how the disability is perceived. They are...

Moral Model - This focuses on the disability resulting from some sin or moral lapse. The effect - shame.

Medical Model - Disability is a problem in the individual. Action must be taken to cure or rehabilitate. The effect - pathology and treatment.

Minority Model - The environment fails to accommodate the needs of individuals with disabilities. There are negative social attitudes. The problem lies more in society's perception, than in the individual.

I, myself, prefer the minority model.

-Karyn

They Stare

Did the end surprise you?

What an Entrance

This is everywhere now, but I just watched the full clip this morning (thanks, Wendy for sending it to me). It is awesome. What a wedding should be about - celebration!

Someone's Excited About...

Braces! Riley is getting braces and he is actually excited about it. He walks around the house with the materials and pictures about what they are going to do to his teeth and loves talking about it.

-Karyn

Don't Give Up

This song is to everyone who has gone through some difficult moments lately - I know have. This song always inspires me; we must keep plugging along and look at the support we have.

In this proud land we grew up strong
We were wanted all along
I was taught to fight, taught to win
I never thought I could fail

No fight left or so it seems
I am a man whose dreams have all deserted
Ive changed my face, Ive changed my name
But no one wants you when you lose

Dont give up
cos you have friends
Dont give up
Youre not beaten yet
Dont give up
I know you can make it good

Though I saw it all around
Never thought I could be affected
Thought that wed be the last to go
It is so strange the way things turn

Drove the night toward my home
The place that I was born, on the lakeside
As daylight broke, I saw the earth
The trees had burned down to the ground

Dont give up
You still have us
Dont give up
We dont need much of anything
Dont give up
cause somewhere theres a place
Where we belong

Rest your head
You worry too much
Its going to be alright
When times get rough
You can fall back on us
Dont give up
Please dont give up

got to walk out of here
I cant take anymore
Going to stand on that bridge
Keep my eyes down below
Whatever may come
And whatever may go
That rivers flowing
That rivers flowing

Moved on to another town
Tried hard to settle down
For every job, so many men
So many men no-one needs

Dont give up
cause you have friends
Dont give up
Youre not the only one
Dont give up
No reason to be ashamed
Dont give up
You still have us
Dont give up now
Were proud of who you are
Dont give up
You know its never been easy
Dont give up
cause I believe theres the a place
Theres a place where we belong

Here is the original version:



Here is a version with Bono and Alicia Keys for world hunger:

Aidan Update

Aidan had his IEP today and was identified for speech services. He will start these services when he goes into Kindergarten. So enters our new adventure with IEPs and special education. Aidan is helping us get ready for Quinn's transition, which is way cool.

Last night I had Extreme Home Makeover on while I was working on my laptop with the kids playing at my feet. Aidan made a little joke about the kid on the show who has a disability. Riley told him that isn't right to make fun of someone with a disability (way to do Mr. Advocate, Riley). Then I had a talk with Aidan about Quinn having Down syndrome. It was the first time I sat him down and told him AND he appeared to listen (he is usually a boy on the move - ha ha). He dropped his head and you could tell he felt bad for making fun of the kid on tv. He then went over and kissed Quinn.

But we will if this new found sensitivity will last and in what areas...Aidan was just pretend playing and said "Thanks for going, you losers." Not sure what or who he was talking to/about - but that guy is always entertaining and I'm not sure where he gets this stuff.

-Karyn

Last Night

Do you ever feel that things are meant to be? Last night I was just holding and loving Quinn and felt the largest sense of peace in my heart. Here is a random photo of her - I love Riley's look here :>)

Powerpoint Comedy

I worked on two more powerpoints last night, so I have to do another one of these comedy videos. I love these!

Man I'm Getting Old

I was reading another chapter related to multiculturalism last night that once again initiated thinking (by the way I have two more weeks of that course and I am nearing the disability chapter - I will post about that, I am sure). The chapter was on older adults and challenges they face in our society. I started thinking that some of this is similar to the area of disability. Older adults are often not offered the newest treatments. I think about how this relates to our history where certain concerns, like heart problems, were not treated with children with Down syndrome. A judgment is made on who is important and worth survival. In addition, age is an area that impacts us all - and, like disabilities, has connotations related to worth and vulnerability. If you think about it, there are similarities in the way jokes and sarcasm are used to distance oneself from those concerns (and so my title of my post). These could really be seen as microaggressions against those who are experiencing these challenges (just like the r-word). This all comes in my mind right now because last week I had a toe issue. All of a sudden my toe swelled up with an infection and it was a strange ordeal. I ended up going to the emergency room and getting treatment (it is better now). My joke over and over again was the title of my post. I used to never have any health concerns and now things happen. What I realize now is that my age has nothing to do with it, but it is an area of vulnerability and tension for me that I have to really think about and work on. And maybe this was why I did this microaggression. But I have to work on this - microaggressions (even jokes) aren't the way to go, because just like with the use of the r-word with some as a way to joke about that vulnerability they don't want to think about - it doesn't solve the initial problem which is what you internally think about that area, your fears, and society's pressure to be a certain way.

-Karyn

Seven

I told myself I wasn't going to get upset about these things. But I am upset, but then I am not. I am just in a whirlwind of contradictions, more like a tornado if you will. I am well aware that I am a hypocrite tonight, and I don't like it. But then I have to be a hypocrite - I feel that is where I need to be right in this moment.

Quinn was tested today. Neal told me that the results indicated that she appears to be functioning cognitively at the seven-month level. Seven? Really? Seven? Out of a possible 20, almost 21, months of life? Wow.

I KNOW that early childhood assessments have the lowest reliability. I KNOW that these measures should never be used to predict IQ scores. I KNOW such measures should really only be used for screening purposes and to justify services. I KNOW that age-equivalent scores are very poor scores to give. Standard-scores are much better, but I KNOW that many of these early childhood measures are based on age-equivalents. I KNOW I KNOW I KNOW. Heck I teach the course on this subject. I also KNOW I said I wasn't going to let things like this get to me. But that was before I was introduced to the number seven in this context.

But then I say to myself, well at least it is seven. Seven is something. Seven is seven.

See the contradictions? Plus seven is only the rough estimate - some skills are 13 months and some skills are less. Seven is not etched in stone.

So maybe I should honor and not fight seven. Seven may not be the real number right now, but for me it signifies that this is not the first time I will be in this position. It is only the first time I will be hearing the results instead of giving the results. I might as well start getting used to this side of the table when it comes to feedback about your child's evaluation results.

So to honor the number seven, and all that I will learn about myself and others on this journey, I will share seven things I love about Quinn:

1. I love her toothy grin. She has one tooth that we call a snaggle tooth and it is the cutest thing EVER. There isn't anything like Quinn's smile.

2. I love that she is obsessed with the sign more. Obsessed. The boys knew the sign, but nobody does it as much as Quinn.

3. I love Quinn's blue eyes. I never thought I would have a beautiful girl with blue eyes. I have brown eyes.

4. I love Quinn's hair. It is long and wavy. So beautiful. She has the best hair in our whole entire family. She hates having it combed though. She fights and screams. Better get used to it girl because your hair WILL be long!

5. I love Quinn's laugh. It is the cutest little thing. The thing is though that she doesn't laugh for long, so you are always left with wanting more. Maybe that is the best part because Quinn hooks you in that way.

6. I love Quinn's wisdom. When I hold her and I worry about things, it is like she knows. She grabs my face and sometimes pulls me in and kisses me, looks into my eyes, or bites (whatever strikes her), but I always feel she is telling me something.

7. And most of all, I just LOVE QUINN. The total package. Even if it involves the number seven right now. Seven doesn't quite cut what Quinn means to me. It is infinite.

-Karyn

Just Who Am I, Anyway?

Poston (1990) described an identity development model that relates to individuals who are biracial in descent. Given my last post, I was thinking about how this identity development model relates to having multi-abilities in your family. This all has to do with being caught between two or more worlds. Poston’s model has five stages. I will first define it according to the racial element and then comment on it related to how it may apply to ability:

Personal Identity Stage – The sense of self is largely independent of ethnic heritage. For the ability portion, I would suggest that this would involve having a sense of self that is independent of all ability. Prior to Quinn coming into my life, I never really thought about ability/disability as it related to my identity. I would say that I was in this area pre-Quinn. Even when my sons were born I didn’t really worry about such things. Their development just happened, I didn’t really think about it.

Choice of Group Categorization Stage – One feels pressure to identify with one racial orientation by parent, peers, or society. With abilities, I see this as the pressure to decide which world you will be in at any time – gifted, typical, or cognitively disabled. Once we received Quinn’s diagnosis, I was very much feeling pressure (both within and outside of myself) to connect to the world of disability. This was good for me in a lot of ways, but the more and more I became connected, I was missing something too.

Enmeshment/Denial Stage – There are likely to be considerable negative feelings (conscious or unconscious) about the denial of one of the racial heritages. When this comes to ability, if one chooses typical, then they may feel bad about not being more connected to disability and vice versa. I think I am somewhere here because I have been somewhat concerned about how much I focus on disability now. Am I giving my sons and the typical (maybe even gifted) parts enough attention? But then I am truly interested in this area of disabilities – not only personally but now professionally. I am learning so much and enjoying it the more I read, study, and contemplate. I really don’t know what the answer is, but balance is important.

Appreciation Stage – The individual begins to value roots of both parents. For the multi-abilities, you begin to value both or multiple sides. I also may be here because I am thinking and talking about both sides more – at least I have been posting about this the last two days. I see the good things about having a child who has a disability, and I see the good things about having two children who are typical or advanced.

Integration Stage – Wholeness and integration of both identities occurs. This is where both sides come together and make you who you are. I inspire to get here, but this is probably like self-actualization and doesn’t happen too often with too many individuals. I see the beauty of this stage, and if I get there, its role in my life over where I started out in the personal identity stage. If you don’t have a child with some type of disability, it is difficult to describe this feeling, but to me, it is through this experience that you begin to realize that you were missing a whole outlook on life (almost an essential part of you) before having your child with a disability. It was like you were totally not seeing something that was there in our world the whole time. At least that is my experience I guess.

-Karyn

Between Two Worlds

I am still teaching a multicultural class, and last night I was reading some chapters from the textbook after the kiddos went to sleep (oh whatever happened to the days of living it up on Saturday nights). Anyway, I just might as well face the fact that time in my life is over (ha ha), so one of the chapters I was reading was Counseling Individuals of Multiracial Descent in Counseling the Culturally Diverse by Derald Wing Sue and David Sue (2008). I am eagerly waiting to get to the part about disabilities, but that isn’t until the last night of class. But going back to this chapter about multiracial descent…

What struck me about this chapter is how it can be for individuals to live between two worlds. I have known that idea before with some of my clients, but it really struck me last night how this could be similar to my experience with Quinn. I am not saying that these experiences are exactly the same; what I am saying is that there were some areas in that chapter that hit close to home for me in how I see our family of diversity – two typical children and one child with Down syndrome. There is the world of ability and the world of disability within my own family. And sort of like how we deal with race in our society, we seem to try to force people to choose which world they will identify with. I struggle with this myself, and part of this involves things I place on myself. Will I now just be about ability or will I just be about disability? I am still working on that, but can’t the answer be both? I place this on myself somewhat, but there are also outside influences.

In terms of outside influences, I think some in the world would rather me just go and be about disability, keep to friends who also only have a child with a disability, separate myself and my family. I would be better if not seen, heard, or vocally pointing things out. I think they would rather not know that these things exist. Denial is where they want to stay. Whereas, there are also some others who would love to see, learn, and experience the diversity in even my own family. I truly love these people and you all know who you are! It is interesting because with my own children, there is such diversity – I have one that is very bright and everything comes easy for him (I can really identify with Riley); another who is very bright, doesn’t always use it the right way, and has some minor concerns with speech/language that will likely work themselves out over time (oh the excitement of Aidan); and one who I would argue is bright but according to our society’s standards would be considered as having and will always have a cognitive disability (my beautiful daughter Quinny). There is such diversity within my own family, so as a family unit we are multi-ability. This chapter of Sue and Sue’s inspired me to think about this.

Going back to Sue and Sue, these authors talked about with individuals of multiracial descent that they have often been “ignored, neglected, and considered nonexistent in our educational materials, media portrayals, and psychological literature” (p. 390). I thought about how this applies to disability as well. Maybe denial seems easier to others to not feel bad about this area, but it certainly doesn’t help us, the families. I am happy for the television series Life Goes On, but why don’t we see more of this type of thing? In my own field, psychology, very little is discussed about what it feels like to have a disability or a child with a disability. Instead we focus on diagnosis and move on. There are other parallels that I saw in this chapter as well. There were laws against racial mixing (in 1967 the last of these laws were removed) – well there also was a eugenics movement related to stopping those with cognitive disabilities from having families. There was the “one drop rule” related to African American descent – well there is also the idea that once you have one child with a disability, you are now one of those families of disability. It is sometimes like Riley and Aidan doesn’t exist – they aren’t asked about. And sometimes I need to be aware of this on this blog too. I need to talk about them all. They all are essential to this family. Again, I am not saying that these two experiences (being multiracial or having a family with multi-abilities) are identical; I am just finding this interesting how our society deals with difference.

Sue and Sue also talked about the idea that for some individuals of multiracial descent, that their racial backgrounds aren’t fully visible to others (the phenotype observed versus the genotype that exists) and this also creates a unique set of difficulties. With me, it isn’t visible to others that I have a child with Down syndrome, unless she is with me. So I could be off to work (like that isn’t something I spend a lot of time doing – ha ha) and someone could make a comment (let’s say they blurt out the dreaded r-word). Well they couldn’t KNOW by looking at me that I come from this multi-ability family. This comment will obviously offend me and then I have to make the difficult choice of saying something or not. If I say something, the issue may come up – well why do you care? Then I have to explain myself. Sue and Sue talk about how those with multiracial descent may have to explain themselves more than the average person – “what are you?” It can lead to a big long discussion where you have to explain yourself – there may be concern about being judged or having to explain yourself. This can all lead to feelings of invalidation for some.

Then there is the experience of existing between the margins – how this may impact someone. In conversations about kids, I am somewhere in the middle. I don’t totally fit the Down syndrome discussions (it is a syndrome after all and so two kids with Down syndrome may have very different experiences) and when it comes to the typical children discussions, I don’t fit entirely there either. I am between two worlds. I am aware of this a lot.

But even though there are these difficulties mentioned above, there are such great rewards. Sue and Sue listed the following benefits of being of multiracial descent in their chapter – “increased sense of uniqueness, better ability to relate to more diverse groups, greater tolerance and understanding of people, ability to deal with racism, enjoying what many groups have to offer, greater variety in one’s life, and better ability to build alliances with many diverse people and groups” (p. 399). Once I again I was struck by how this is parallel to my experience with Quinn – I really feel those benefits too. I heard others say that their child with a disability is their teacher and that they are the student. Each day I am getting this more and more. Thank you my darling Quinn. I love you. Also thank you my handsome sons, Riley and Aidan, you teach me so much about the other side too. I love you.

-Karyn

My Thoughts on Smile

I have been thinking a lot about the song I posted earlier, Smile (originally music by Charlie Chaplin and lyrics by John Turner and Geoffrey Parsons , recorded by Michael Jackson in the clip). If one looks at Chaplin and Jackson’s lives, one sees that things didn’t go always as planned. They had a lot of difficult moments. We all go through some kind of difficulties. And sometimes we think what we are going through is the worst possible thing. But if we persevere, we learn something about ourselves, our strength, our character, and find that things are indeed worthwhile and will be ok. I am getting better about doing this with Down syndrome. I can’t imagine not having Quinn here and if Down syndrome has to be part of my life because of Quinn, I will learn how to smile. Right now smiling is getting easier and easier.

-Karyn

Hands by Jewel

Another song that gives me peace.

If I could tell the world just one thing
It would be that we're all OK
And not to worry 'cause worry is wasteful
And useless in times like these
I won't be made useless
I won't be idle with despair
I will gather myself around my faith
For light does the darkness most fear
My hands are small, I know
But they're not yours, they are my own
But they're not yours, they are my own
And I am never broken
Poverty stole your golden shoes
It didn't steal your laughter
And heartache came to visit me
But I knew it wasn't ever after
We'll fight, not out of spite
For someone must stand up for what's right
'Cause where there's a man who has no voice
There ours shall go singing
My hands are small I know
But they're not yours, they are my own
But they're not yours, they are my own
I am never broken
In the end only kindness matters
In the end only kindness matters
I will get down on my knees, and I will pray
I will get down on my knees, and I will pray
I will get down on my knees, and I will pray
My hands are small I know
But they're not yours, they are my own
But they're not yours, they are my own
And I am never broken
My hands are small I know
But they're not yours, they are my own
But they're not yours, they are my own
And I am never broken
We are never broken
We are God's eyes
God's hands
God's mind
We are God's eyes
God's hands
God's heart
We are God's eyes
God's hands
God's eyes
We are God's hands
We are God's hands

Greeting

When I came home last night after working a 12-hour day, I came into the living room and saw three little kiddos playing. When I said hello, the littlest one - my cutie Quinny - turned around, smiled, and put out her arms to be held. Aidan ran to hug me. Riley said "hey mom" in his grown-up kid way. I am the luckiest mommy in the world.

-Karyn

Smile

Smile, though your heart is aching
Smile, even though it's breaking
When there are clouds in the sky
You'll get by...

If you smile
With your fear and sorrow
Smile and maybe tomorrow
You'll find that life is still worthwhile if you'll just...
Light up your face with gladness
Hide every trace of sadness
Although a tear may be ever so near
That's the time you must keep on trying
Smile, what's the use of crying
You'll find that life is still worthwhile
If you'll just...
Smile, though your heart is aching
Smile, even though it's breaking
When there are clouds in the sky
You'll get by...

If you smile
Through your fear and sorrow
Smile and maybe tomorrow
You'll find that life is still worthwhile
If you'll just Smile...

That's the time you must keep on trying
Smile, what's the use of crying
You'll find that life is still worthwhile
If you'll just Smile





-Karyn

For Today

At least five times this past week the topic of what Quinn is doing has come up in conversation. So what new things is Quinn doing? Is she walking? Crawling? Feeding herself? Etc. etc. etc. Ok there has been some new things - she, of course, has great posture (she loves to sit) and she doesn't just randomly fall over to lay on the floor - at least she eases herself down now. No crawling yet, but some stretching and forward sliding across the floor. She will stand by furniture if you place her there. But overall, I have very limited responses to this subject when asked because not a lot has happened.

Tonight I was thinking about this, and I vow at least for today that I don't care about these milestones. Quinn is Quinn. She is healthy. She is happy. She is here. Nothing like having a friend realize that their chid has leukemia to put these things into perspective. Isn't this what is really important? So at least today I will think this way, hopefully tomorrow and the next day I will too. But I will likely relapse in the milestone-itis. It is inevitable, but I will just go back to this post when I do. I will remind myself that Quinn will get there when she gets there. I love her no matter what. And she is happy, healthy, and here.

-Karyn

More PowerPoint Comedy

I wish I was this entertaining in class!



-Karyn

I Am Thankful

Today I am thankful for what I have. I am thankful that I have beautiful children, two handsome sons and a perfect daughter. Today I don't care that Quinn is falling behind in her motor skills - that is unimportant to me. All I care about is that she is healthy, happy, and alive. Here is a photo of my baby girl!




-Karyn

What the World Needs More...

I am going to start this off by clearly stating that I am not a big Sarah Palin fan. That being said, on Friday she did say something that I can totally agree with. She said the following in her resignation statement: “I think much of it had to do with the kids seeing their baby brother Trig mocked by some pretty mean-spirited adults recently. Um, by the way, sure wish folks could ever, ever understand that we ALL could learn so much from someone like Trig — I know he needs me, but I need him even more… what a child can offer to set priorities RIGHT – that time is precious… the world needs more ‘Trigs’, not fewer.”

Do you want to get good and depressed? If not, something I wouldn’t recommend is surfing around on the internet and seeing what you find related to Sarah Palin’s son Trig. You can find some nice stuff, but then again you can find some pretty disturbing stuff. It is kind of hard to stomach when you, yourself, have a beautiful child who also has Down syndrome. It makes you realize how little some other people really value your child. In this disturbing category, you can find photos of Trig's face doctored to look hideous (and I'm not talking about the one where it is of a recognizable figure), jokes, and the r-word used repeatedly. No matter what you think of Sarah Palin politically, she most definitely doesn’t deserve to have her child treated this way. All of this just points out how far we have to go as a society in accepting those with cognitive disabilities. What does it say about these adults that they must pick on a little, innocent child that way? Only if you can stomach it, go and check out this story on Patricia Bauer’s blog. She shares about an insensitive comment made by Erik Sean Nelson. It is really a “gem.”

This is what I don’t get, why do these people care that we have a child with DS? It doesn’t really impact their day-to-day lives. They can still have their DS-free lives. Nobody is forcing this upon them. What is the big deal if we decide to keep our children, raise them, love them, and are active in our lives with them? If just seeing our children out in the world, in the media, or elsewhere troubles them so, maybe instead of writing this stuff, they need to really examine where these strong feelings are coming from and work it out for themselves.

-Karyn

Happy 4th of July

Pray Please

Rarely would I ask for this, but this is very important. When I was pregnant with Quinn I met a beautiful family which included a loving mother, Julie, and her perfect baby daughter, Olivia. I held this little girl Olivia in my arms as Quinn was in my belly. Both have the bond of a prenatal diagnosis of Down syndrome. Julie was one of the instrumental people in helping me cope with the diagnosis of Down syndrome while I was pregnant. Olivia attended Quinn's first birthday party. We attended Olivia's dedication day. These two girls are only seven months apart. Although Quinn is only 20 months, I call Olivia her friend.

Today I received an email that Olivia was just diagnosed with leukemia. Tears well up in my eyes as I write this. This is truly a beautiful little girl and such a lovely family. They don't deserve this one bit. Every time I see Julie with Olivia I see nothing but love in her eyes for this little girl. Please keep them in your prayers.

-Karyn

More R-Word Blues for Riley

Riley cannot catch a break. Seriously what is this world coming to that things like this keep happening to a little boy age 8 who has nothing but love in his heart?

Riley was excited because tonight he was invited to go celebrate a friend's birthday with dinner and a movie. He got to go see Ice Age. He comes home and tells me that his friend's parents were talking in the car about someone that they thought did something stupid. They said the r-word. As he was telling me this, he had tears in his eyes.

He felt bad and didn't know what to do. He didn't say anything and I think he felt he let Quinn down. I told him that it was ok he didn't say anything because he is a kid and these are adults. We talked about Soeren Palumbo and how difficult it was for him to hear the r-word given his love for his sister. Riley did come up with a plan of what to say the next time a friend says it.

Because you are an adult and he is a kid, please help Riley out and say something to the next person who says the r-word. Or maybe talk about the r-word and how it hurts before someone uses it. Riley thanks you.

-Karyn