Delay

Delays are everywhere. I delay when I am going to blog. Before you know it, it has been a month. I delay taking time to relax. Before you know it, my back and neck are all tight and knotted up. My life has become a serious of putting things off while I juggle a multitude of tasks. Delays are sprinkled everywhere.

And on top of it, every day I ironically notice more delays with my baby girl.

This is not meant to be a depressing blog entry. I love Quinn more than anything and I appreciate her accomplishments and having her in my life, but I just can't help but to notice how far behind she is to her peers with DS. Life is not meant to be a race, so this idea of "far behind" is a ridiculous one, I know that, but I still see it. It just comes and strikes me out of nowhere.

I guess I was hoping for something more after the ACTH was done. I guess I was deep down hoping for leaps and bounds, but there was a spurt and then another plateau. I am thankful for what I have, but I just have been thinking about this. It is hard to explain, I am not depressed, but aware. What is, just is.

My mind has been going to that there must be something more. I am just going to come out and say this. There must be something additional to DS and IS. My mind is now going to PDD. I am numb to this as well. If it is, it is. I am not going to seek out dx in this area yet, I am just going to watch it, but let's just say I wouldn't be surprised if someone working with Quinn mentions this soon. Last night the only interaction I had with Quinn was the frownie face. It is an adorable little face she makes when she is about to get upset. So so cute. Riley and I laugh and smile. I thank God for the frownie face, but a person would like to see more when they come home and spend time with their child. But this is just beyond my control. I just have to accept if the frownie face is given to me, at least it is something and it is Quinn so it is love.

I am learning to let things go. Just take what you have. If there is a delay, just accept it. Not much you can do about it anyway. I am sure there will be other feelings that I have about this on different days, but for right now, I am just feeling this...

-Karyn

Quinny Plays the Drum...Plays the Drum

We have this drum from way back - way back when Riley was a little bitty guy. Now he is half the way to adulthood (he just turned nine). Someone told me that about Riley yesterday and I was like HOLY COW - HALF THE WAY TO ADULTHOOD!!! Sorry, I digress. Anyway, this drum was Riley's toy, Aidan's toy, and then was to be Quinn's.

Up to this point, Quinn hasn't really ever played with a toy other than just using her rattles (which she loves) and accidentally here and there hitting keys on the piano (just randomly and not purposefully).

I felt stuck like will my girl ever play with these toys of her's, even the hand-me-down ones from her big brothers.

Tonight I saw a beautiful thing - my little girl was playing with the drum.

She would purposefully hit her rattle against the drum and then the song would play "everyone play the drum...play the drum." She would pause during the song and then once it was over, hit the rattle against the drum. Over and over again she would do this on purpose.

Wow!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

With the boys, I just took things like this for granted - what it takes to do this, to think this through and make this decision and figure out the toy. Thank you Quinny for always showing me the way and teaching me to stop and consider the beauty of the "small" stuff. Small stuff can be HUGE and worth celebrating.

-Karyn

Up, Down, Up, Down, Up, Down (laying down to sitting that is)

This is what Quinn was doing a lot today!!! She would go down to lay down on the floor from the sitting position, roll or pull herself to what she wanted, and then sit back up. Then she would do it over and over again. She is getting stronger....

Neal said the PT predicted this skill would come soon. I told him to ask if she had any more predictions - she is one talented physical therapist because I certainly didn't see this coming.

-Karyn

The Miss America Wave

This weekend we went to the indoor waterpark for Mother's Day. It is kind of a tradition for us. Not that I love waterparks (as someone who wears contact lens it is not the best place to be with water splashing in your eyes), but I love seeing the boys have fun - so it is a great place to be in that respect. Quinn and I spent a lot of time together (and we forgot the camera of course)! Once we sat next to the lazy river. I was holding Quinn across my shoulder and I kept seeing these people floating by waving and smiling. I thought maybe they thought Quinn was cute or someone was behind us. Then when we got home last night, Quinn started to show her Miss America wave to me while sitting across the room. Up to this point, she tends to look at her hands a lot (so aggravating to try to break this behavior), but doesn't really use them to communicate other than signing more. She was really waving! I guess this was what she was doing to the people floating on the lazy river. And her clueless mom didn't realize - lol.

-Karyn